Today is such a downer.  I am not sure what to do about it.  Normally, I would go on fb and troll around, or try to writie something, or look through the photo albums and make comments, hoping someone would respond and I woudl have some contact.  That's it.  HOping to have some contact.  I don't want to spill my guts and tell what's going on but I would like some company - the person doesn't have to now what is going on inside of me.  I am lonely.  I am a straight A student - I work for it believe me. and the great thing is about it is that I am aloud to go off campus.  There is a fun deli cafe type place called Sweetness that I hang out in.  It is not as generic as Star$$$.  It has free wireless - that's how I am typing- and I can buy a sandwich or sushi and sit.  If the comfy chairs are taken, I can sit at the coco bar.  I love the coco bar - different hot cocos or cold cocos or little bars of crazy tasting chocolate.  You can buy a few squares of different chocolates for a 1$.  It's dangerous!
Anyway, things are definately not good at my house.  My mom is going back to school so she can go back to work.  I am the bebe.  She has faithfully stayed home all these years raising me and my sibs and she wants to go back to work.  I love my mom.  I can say that without worrying about whether or not people will think I am a baby. I love my mom.  She can really bug me and bug me but .... it's ok.  I have one really, really annoying friend who acts like she could care less about mom - we kind of laugh at her because we all think that if she woudl just calm down and stop trying to act "like" a teenager she would chillax and have a normal relationship, we would all wouldn't have to roll our eyes at her - ALL THE TIME.  She kind of acts like she thinks she is supposed to act - like our age group has a role with a script that never changes.  So boring.  I guess she is more lost than me.  poor thing.  I am kind of stuck.
My daddyoyo is not cool with it.  I call him daddyoyo because he yoyos about being a dad, a husband - he goes up and down with his moods, his view on life.  I have watched him and while I respect him - I set boundaries with him.  So, he is behaving like always and my mumster is trying to sail her ship through the waters of conflict.  I wish he would just go or be struck by lightening and miraculously changed to be a stable, good husband and normal guy.   NORMAL.  Can you just be NORMAL, I shout in my head at him.
I haven't figured anything out writing this .  My goal is to figure something out something about myself each time I write.  so far. I haven't met my goal.  What if I don't by the time I have to shut down and get back to class?  What will happen?  Will I have a hole in my soul?  A big question mark burning through my head?  Will I smell differently - the smell of unknowing?  I have so much work to do.  got t go!  help.....I am a blob of unknowing...